Lost Daughters: Baby Veronica: What Adoption Does to Adopted Persons from a Legal Perspective
Lost Daughters: Baby Veronica: What Adoption Does to Adopted Persons from a Legal Perspective.
This post from Julie details much of why my Petitioning Parliament post was written. This is the basis of many of the issues created by adoption, some of which I extrapolated upon in my reply to Sir @martinnarey (who still hasn’t responded to my My Heart’s Desire post).
Julie’s post over on Lost Daughters (and the comments that follow it) talks about the impact that the act of being adopted will have upon Veronica’s life. The act of adoption changes the status of a person in ways that are more than just legal. The societal aspect of living as an adoptee is a minefield. If we’re happy with adoption, then we’re happy with the fact that a child is growing up unrelated to their own kin – whyever this happens, it is something sad. If we’re pissed at adoption, then obviously we must have “had a bad experience”.
One of my more recent FB page creations is The Lucky Adoptee, who – contrary to popular perception – I consider myself to be. I did get the steady life that adoption promises. While we weren’t by any stretch well off, my APs were excellent at juggling money (a trait I sadly missed out on picking up ;)) and so the life I lived was comfortable. In fact, were it not for the issues that BEING ADOPTED has caused for my life, I actually would’ve had that fabled “better life” that is the lure of adoption.
#WASO40 hints at posts relating to the future, so for inclusion I’m finishing where I started; wanting to get legislation changed so that the ADOPTEE is the one who ultimately gets to decide what they want for their life. Giving adoptees the chance to annul/overturn/however you wanna phrase it THEIR OWN adoptions scares people though – any of us could become ungrateful bastards if we can all undo what’s been done to us, think of how the number of adopters’d plummet if they knew we the adoptees could have the final say over whether our adoptions’re “forever” or not.
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE
Adopted in the UK 
Thought provoking as always. I really do see and get what you are saying, I just don’t fully understand how it could work when children are removed from threatening and dangerous situations. Those that then care for the child need to have a legal right to make decisions in the child’s best interest, which is what adoption is. I like that your posts challenge my thoughts of adoption and requires me to look at it all form a very different angle.
Thanks for linking up with #WASO
thepuffindiaries
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 3:38 pm
You’re conflating the issues though – a common mistake that even Sir @martinnarey makes when discussing the legalities of adoption upon the adoptee. You’re asking “what about the children” but I’m talking about the time when adoptees are no longer children.
Contrary to popular belief, adoptees do not remain eternal children. While we may have been adopted to afford us protection when we were children, we stop being children at 18/21/whatever the local age-of-majority is. If we take ~80 as average life span (I have no idea, just guessing at what it is these days), then we spend 3/4 of our lives paying for something done supposedly to protect us for the first 1/4 of our life.
If, as Sir @martinnarey said, “at the age of 18 we are all adults and adoption has essentially expired”, then why does it matter if SOME adoptees would like THEIR OWN identity back?
7rin
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 4:03 pm
Fair enough, I really don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to make that choice for yourself as an adult. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
thepuffindiaries
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 5:57 pm
Thank you for seeing the simple reality I’m aiming for. :)
7rin
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 9:26 pm
I see that it’s hard for adoptees to get their voices heard and perspectives understood. It can be challenging as an adopter to listen sometimes, but important to do so with an open mind I think. You raise a very interesting point. I would agree that as an adult you should then have the power to take back control of your life and review those decisions that were made on your behalf as a minor. It makes perfect sense really, and in fact is probably a bit rude to assume that an adopted adult would not have the required judgement to make that choice. I must keep up with WASO more regularly, and I’ll check back.
Laura
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 10:26 pm
Thanks for reading. I suggest you also take a nose over @ Lost Daughters, Transracial Eyes, and Land of Gazillion Adoptees. While not an exhausting list of adoptee blogs, it does link to blogs carrying several renowned authors. :}
7rin
Sat, 26 October, 2013 at 11:01 pm
Thanks for the tips. I’ve bought “journey of the adopted self” so i’ll read that with interest. Trying not to be too much of an embarrassing adoptive Mama – my lovely daughter is only 2 right now.
Laura
Sun, 27 October, 2013 at 5:29 pm