Adopted in the UK

The life of a UK adoptee

Posts Tagged ‘Counselling

Screaming

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… frothing with incoherent rage that I can not – by myself – control.

And I feel utterly impotent.

I can not obtain the ‘professional help’ that my detractors over at Y!A Adoption insist I am so thoroughly in need of because my local doctors’ practice, which is supported by the local health authority, does not consider my needs for specialist help to be important enough.

It’s not for the want of trying.

When I was at uni. doing the civ.eng degree (I failed), I saw a counsellor, but I knew a lot less about me then, and so just utterly confused her. I was beyond her level of help.

I managed to get myself in to see a psychsomething meeting (after going through interviews with both the doctor and a Community Psychiatric Nurse), only to be told that I’m pagan because I’m rebelling, and I’m polyamorous because I like being walked over. I’m not sure I’d’ve even let her near my adoption.

She told me the only thing she could do for me was recommend I read some books on how to be a happy-clappy rainbow puker, because I was too intelligent for her to be dealing with. I declined, and told her I’d already found enough of my own reading material to know that she didn’t have a clue.

During reunion, I saw the college counsellor, but I’m not someone she could deal with. We mutually parted company.

And then there was Chase Wellbeing (after another round of doc/cpn interviews). Oh that was a joy. That’s where I encountered a professional telling me that I should just be grateful to be adopted, because things could’ve been worse if I hadn’t been. I told her point blank to never ever ever try to counsel an adoptee ever again because she’s too dangerous.

I offered her reading material, but she declined.

I’ve since tried to get funding to get help off Adoption Support, but the doctor and LHA won’t fund it. So I tried calling After Adoption, who said all they can do is tell me to call Adoption Support, as that’s the organisation that deals with my area.

I’ve even asked the local council’s adoption worker that I saw when trying to get records of my adoption if she can help get me any help, but she didn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t.

So I’m left here still cracking up whilst trying to hold it together enough in life to be able to do something. Anything.

I did post, a while back, that I could take the fight to get help to the media, but tbh, I’m not all that sure they’d listen. Adoptees are expected to be screwed up, but *yours* will /never/ grow up to feel like that. Bullshit. But I’m too tired, and too busy concentrating on trying to get through living the life I’ve got, to have time, headspace, and energy to try to fight the world.

I’m raging at the moon, and no-one gives a shit because it’s not important enough.

Of course, if I became an alcoholic, then I’d get no end of help, but I currently can’t afford to do stuff like that.

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Written by 7rin

Fri, 31 December, 2010 at 1:22 am

Adopted Headology

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Grand Blanc mother who made headlines for transracial adoption 10 years ago now struggles caring for adopted daughter with special needs

^That’s the article that finally spurred a thought into the front of my mind that I know has been sat swishing around in the background for the past week or so, because I’ve been able to know what it was without being able to word the connection. Strangely how simple it seems now that I’ve thought about it.

The thought was something I put to Time to Change.Org‘s Fakeblag page:

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2010/08/grand_blanc_mother_who_made_he.html

Whilst the story is from America, it does make me wonder (since I’m having to fight to try to get my own post-adoption counselling):
*Adoptees face significant mental trauma, all while having to deal with society’s expectation that we “should be grateful” for the occurrence of our adoptions.
**Where does Time to Change stand on helping adoptees to fight to get relevant post-adoption counselling?

Since post-adoption trauma is extremely prevalent, as well as requiring specialist knowledge from the psych’ in dealing with adoptees so as not to not do more damage, I’m thinking that some support from the mental health advocates could help at least some of us.

Written by 7rin

Tue, 24 August, 2010 at 12:49 am

Let the battle commence

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I have, since entering reunion in September 2009, been attempting to get some suitable post-adoption counselling to try to help me cope with all the traumas thrown up by entering reunion.

My first point of call was my local General Practitioner, who forwarded me to the local Community Psychiatric Nurse in order to assess my needs. Luckily for me, I understand much of what I do need, and so was able to be relatively precise in detailing the support I was looking for. The C.P.N. was – as is usual, in my experience – fantastic, and passed me on to a group called Chase Wellbeing.

C.W. is a group created in order to best direct people to the appropriate counselling necessary, however, as was evidenced by my meeting with the counsellor they deemed appropriate for my needs, they have absolutely no clue about how to handle post-adoption support – to the point where I told the counsellor I saw that she should NEVER attempt to counsel post-adoption adoptees needing help, as it’s entirely likely her help would do the opposite, and push them over the edge. As I told her, she appeared to be quoting verbatim the book 101 things not to say to an adoptee. By mutual agreement, it was concluded that C.W. would not be able to help me, and that I should go back to my G.P. in order to find some help that would actually help, as opposed to hinder.

After a couple of months break, I finally got around to going back to my local G.P. the other week. Yet again, I walked in knowing exactly what it was I was looking for, and this time, said G.P. agreed to write to http://www.adoptionsupport.co.uk/ on my behalf.

The wonderful J at Adoption Support telephoned me on Friday – the same day she got the letter from my G.P. – to tell me that she’d had the letter, and had spoke to my local G.P.’s Practice Manager, who was going to be calling her back today to let her know whether or not they (the G.P.’s practice) would be willing to fund the counselling that I know damn well that I need.

J called me back today to say that my local G.P.’s P.M. has decided to refuse to fund the counselling that I need, and so now I’m trying to plot what I need to do next.

The first couple on the list are the obvious:

J has agreed to send me a letter explaining that the funding isn’t going to be made available, so that I’ve got her contact details in order to include them with everything I may have to do in the future in order to obtain the funding for the post-adoption support that I need.

I need to write to my local G.P.’s Practice Manager in order to try to convince them that they really should support me with funding for the post-adoption counselling that I so desperately need. Unfortunately, I can’t see this gaining me much in the way of success, which means I then need to move on to …

Writing to Staffordshire Health Authority, in much the same vein as the letter to the G.P.’s P.M., in order to convince them to fund my application for counselling. Again, I can’t see this working magnificently – especially knowing the startling record Staffordshire have against people in their care.

I’d love to’ve linked you to the Staffordshire Social Services blog @ WordPress in order to demonstrate Staff’s appalling record, unfortunately, the blog’s been locked down now, and so I can’t – but if you’re the owner of said blog, PLEASE get in touch because I suspect you may be able to help me in the future, if things pan out the way I expect them to.

Next option, if writing to S.H.A. fails, is to get in touch with my local M.P. and/or Councillor (I’m not certain on the differences between the two, so if anyone can help clarify if they’re one-in-the-same, or two totally different roles, that’d be appreciated) and see if they can help me, however, I suspect that many of them won’t have a clue about the intricacies necessary in dealing with post-adoption support, and so I suspect I’ll be on my own from this point on, which is why I’m making this list so that I’ve actually got a clue of where I can go and what I can do whilst it’s still fresh in my mind.

From here then, it’s going to be a case of rallying as much support as I can possibly manage, and I’m almost hoping that it does get as far as the stage where I need to take it beyond all realms of decency in my fight to get the appropriate counselling I need, because if I can and do, then I can help spread the word that adoption is NOT all about living in the rainbow-farting unicorn fog, and that adoption DOES hurt the people it is supposed to be there to help – the adoptees … and the louder and more vocal I can spread that word, the more likely I am to be able to help drive the changes needed within the system to help make it better for the adoptees of the future.

Written by 7rin

Mon, 9 August, 2010 at 1:47 pm

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