Adopted in the UK

The life of a UK adoptee

Posts Tagged ‘Headology

What *is* a “successful adoption”?

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It gets said around – for example, in this {linky} article by (yes, I know, don’t mock, it was the easiest one to find :p) the Daily FMail, that there are such things as “successful adoptions”. (Bolding = my emphasis)

{quote}
And while some adopted children will go on to have behavioural problems because of their poor start in life, there are still many successful adoptions that take place.
{/quote}

So what constitutes a successful adoption then? Is it one where we don’t follow in the footsteps of our “dire backgrounds, where it’s highly likely Dad has been in prison and Mum was addicted to heaven knows what illegal substances and working as a prostitute.” ??

Are we even allowed to want to know our biological predecessors? Or does that make us a bad adoptee?

Does it make any difference if it is our adopters that are abusive, as has happened in so very many cases? Or are we still expected to follow the decree and only recognise our adoptive families (who we generally have absolutely nothing in common with at all, other than shared history) as our “real families”, since after all, they’re the ones who sat up with us sick, and other such normalities?

What makes an adoption “successful”?

I’d really really like to know.

Another point to raise, while we’re on the subject, is …

{quote}
But, unfortunately, the names of these blameless children make their less-than-middle-class backgrounds all too obvious. And most prospective parents don’t want to adopt children who are named after someone’s favourite celebrity or tipple.
{/quote}

… should someone who so obviously cares about such superficial things as the name we’re given by our parents be allowed to adopt in the first place? I mean, surely that exhibits pressures that are going to be applied to the prospective adoptee that should not be placed on a child who hasn’t already experienced such a great loss, let alone one who has to conform in the ways that an adoptee does?

Written by 7rin

Tue, 8 May, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Containing Analyses

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In an attempt to bolster my own capabilities, as well as to help shed light on the plight of adoptees, I decided today to undertake a sociological inquest into adoption. The research will examine publicly available data, using content analysis to examine the perspectives of the messages delivered.

So how am I hoping that my work as an un-yet ‘qualified’ sociologist will help shed light on the plight of adoptees?

Simples (thank you Aleksandr).

I am hoping that my research will demonstrate several things – both the positivist language used when discussing adoption, and the fact that adult adoptees are one of the least catered-for (for want of a better short-phrase) minority groups.

It is my hope that this research, as well as getting my brain into gear ready for going back to university in Autumn, will help begin a flood of research that – rather than looking at the issues from a childhood perspective – recognise that an adult perspective upon the issue is just as valid, given that adults who were formerly adopted as children are more likely to have developed the necessary linguistic skills that will enable them to elucidate more clearly upon an issue than the child version of the same adoptee is unlikely to be capable of articulating.

Necessarily, the information being used, as well as all the tools being used (e.g. for data compilation) I either already own, can borrow (e.g. from friends or the university), or are freely available for download via some portion of the Internet or another. This should hinder neither the validity of the final research, nor the conclusions reached however – as it all comes down to the ways its mixed up, after watching the cookie crumble, who knows where things could wind up.

And with that rather weird turn of phrase, I take myself AFK, or, at least, AFWP posting.

Written by 7rin

Sun, 15 April, 2012 at 10:12 pm

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Screaming

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… frothing with incoherent rage that I can not – by myself – control.

And I feel utterly impotent.

I can not obtain the ‘professional help’ that my detractors over at Y!A Adoption insist I am so thoroughly in need of because my local doctors’ practice, which is supported by the local health authority, does not consider my needs for specialist help to be important enough.

It’s not for the want of trying.

When I was at uni. doing the civ.eng degree (I failed), I saw a counsellor, but I knew a lot less about me then, and so just utterly confused her. I was beyond her level of help.

I managed to get myself in to see a psychsomething meeting (after going through interviews with both the doctor and a Community Psychiatric Nurse), only to be told that I’m pagan because I’m rebelling, and I’m polyamorous because I like being walked over. I’m not sure I’d’ve even let her near my adoption.

She told me the only thing she could do for me was recommend I read some books on how to be a happy-clappy rainbow puker, because I was too intelligent for her to be dealing with. I declined, and told her I’d already found enough of my own reading material to know that she didn’t have a clue.

During reunion, I saw the college counsellor, but I’m not someone she could deal with. We mutually parted company.

And then there was Chase Wellbeing (after another round of doc/cpn interviews). Oh that was a joy. That’s where I encountered a professional telling me that I should just be grateful to be adopted, because things could’ve been worse if I hadn’t been. I told her point blank to never ever ever try to counsel an adoptee ever again because she’s too dangerous.

I offered her reading material, but she declined.

I’ve since tried to get funding to get help off Adoption Support, but the doctor and LHA won’t fund it. So I tried calling After Adoption, who said all they can do is tell me to call Adoption Support, as that’s the organisation that deals with my area.

I’ve even asked the local council’s adoption worker that I saw when trying to get records of my adoption if she can help get me any help, but she didn’t/wouldn’t/couldn’t.

So I’m left here still cracking up whilst trying to hold it together enough in life to be able to do something. Anything.

I did post, a while back, that I could take the fight to get help to the media, but tbh, I’m not all that sure they’d listen. Adoptees are expected to be screwed up, but *yours* will /never/ grow up to feel like that. Bullshit. But I’m too tired, and too busy concentrating on trying to get through living the life I’ve got, to have time, headspace, and energy to try to fight the world.

I’m raging at the moon, and no-one gives a shit because it’s not important enough.

Of course, if I became an alcoholic, then I’d get no end of help, but I currently can’t afford to do stuff like that.

Written by 7rin

Fri, 31 December, 2010 at 1:22 am

Adopted Headology

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Grand Blanc mother who made headlines for transracial adoption 10 years ago now struggles caring for adopted daughter with special needs

^That’s the article that finally spurred a thought into the front of my mind that I know has been sat swishing around in the background for the past week or so, because I’ve been able to know what it was without being able to word the connection. Strangely how simple it seems now that I’ve thought about it.

The thought was something I put to Time to Change.Org‘s Fakeblag page:

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2010/08/grand_blanc_mother_who_made_he.html

Whilst the story is from America, it does make me wonder (since I’m having to fight to try to get my own post-adoption counselling):
*Adoptees face significant mental trauma, all while having to deal with society’s expectation that we “should be grateful” for the occurrence of our adoptions.
**Where does Time to Change stand on helping adoptees to fight to get relevant post-adoption counselling?

Since post-adoption trauma is extremely prevalent, as well as requiring specialist knowledge from the psych’ in dealing with adoptees so as not to not do more damage, I’m thinking that some support from the mental health advocates could help at least some of us.

Written by 7rin

Tue, 24 August, 2010 at 12:49 am

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