Adopted in the UK

The life of a UK adoptee

The situation of 7rin

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I recently FB friended an author whose work I admire, and have gained much from.

When I FB friend someone I don’t already know, I do attempt to be courteous and so send a message with the request whenever the option’s available. It’s a randomly generated “accept if you wanna, don’t if you don’t wanna” note, because seriously, I’m so not interested in getting into FB friends dramas.

I was pleased to get a reply to my introductory message, and was asked in the message, what my situation is.

Since I’m pretty new – at least in the adoption blogging sphere, despite growing up lurking around the uk.people.adoption newsgroups (don’t like alt., it’s insanity at large), and being relatively vocal over on LiveJournal, I thought I’d use the question in an attempt to find some cohesion for myself, since today has been a fucking WEIRD day to be adopted.

For those who’re impatient, the short version goes:

Abandoned to adoption at 7mths old. I didn’t have a bad adoption – my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen… but if I’d been able to choose, and I’d known then what I know now, I’d’ve chosen to be aborted before birth instead, ’cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I’ve gone through would’ve been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I’ve been suffering for now.

I’ve been in reunion several months wow, a year! now, and even that’s (still) agonising.

This is how the adoption industry finds out how to convince people to abandon their kids:–mothers–money-

Abandoned early 1973. Reunited late 2009.

The slightly longer version is that I’m currently sat on the chair in the back garden at 00:36, with a stinking head cold. Earlier this evening, I dropped the partner I live with off at work, after spending half the afternoon with the brother and the cousin that I met last year, on me bmom’s side.

And at anyone who’s about to go off on one about me using bmom – don’t bother. I’m a lazy typer, and I’ll minimise certain things, if it’s possible whilst still making sense. Typing ‘biological mom’ takes too long, much the same as typing ‘adoptive mom’, thus, they are amom and bmom, because those’re logical, accurate descriptions. They’re not fancy fluttery words because they don’t need to be; all they need to be able to do is differentially indicate which of my TWO moms I’m referring to when it’s not obvious by context. I don’t use first, because how many doesn’t matter – they all count. I don’t use natural because my amom’s much more of a ‘natural’ mom (in that being a mom comes naturally to her) than either me or my bmom.

I have met IRL both living siblings on my mom’s side, as well as two cousins (though with one we didn’t know we were cousins until after the fact), and five of my six nephews. On my dad’s side, I’ve met my dad and his partner, my nan, and my cousin and her family. I am deeply looking forward to meeting my brother on my dad’s side, because it’s easy to tell how awesome he is. :D However, we just don’t have lives that’re gonna intersect all that easily due to distance and commitments, and thus, I suspect, it may be still yet a while before I get to meet my brother.

… *has a thought* *goes to pm brother* Of course, if we’re not even suggesting whens, we’ll never work out when we can, so I’ve started the suggestions of when. :)

My sister (still dad’s side) doesn’t want to know me. I think it’s pretty much bugger all to do with me existing as a me, tbh though, and much more an extension of her pisssed offedness at our dad. Luckily, she’s my little sister, so I can get to stomp my big sister foot harder and louder than she can stomp her little sister foot. I’ve been given the message that she wants me to take her (unlinked) name off my FB sibling list. I did give the request serious thought, but honestly? Just no. It’s a list of my siblings, it’s a statement of fact, and facts aren’t there to be liked or disliked, the just are – and so it’s staying.

In deference to my sister, a.k.a. because I’m not really a total bitch, despite any appearances to the contrary, I have limited the viewing of that section back down to a less ‘sharing’ level, but I’ve rarely censored myself before, and I don’t plan on starting now – especially not for my petulant, childish little sister (who, let’s face it, doesn’t sound massively different from her petulant big sister). :}

In other live stuff, I’m about to start a degree in Social Policy & Sociology, with an aim to do something to help change some of the wrongnesses in adoption as it currently stands – unfortunately, I’m still battling enough adoptee-head demons (along with apathy) that I’m still battling with getting my Student Loan sorted.

I hate authority, but can’t seem to live my life without it. From the age of seven, I joined the local marching jazz band, graduating on to diving (snorkelling then S.C.U.B.A.) from 11 – 14, and then in the Air Training Corp (i.e. the Air force cadet service) from 14-16. Growing up in the ’70s, I wanted to be the first woman in the S.A.S., and created myself a strap-on penis at the age of six using a cut-up egg box, and a piece of elastic threaded and knotted through holes in the sides of the ‘penis’ (cut-up egg box) – though I do put some of the blame for the on the TV series Blue Peter. ;)

I’ve been online (prolifically) since 2000, and usually exist under names on the 7rin theme (tequilatrinity and trin being the most usual). I started out on the newsgroup uk.religion.pagan, dispersed across some of the uk.people. groups, and finally ended up ‘defecting’ to LJ and thus aiding the slow decline of Usenet. Since then, I’ve been vocal in the polyamorous and Lokean communities, before ending up fighting adoption crap on the Yahoo! Answers adoption section, as well as trying to turn Adopted in the UK – UK Adoptees into the Britcentric version of AAAFC. I’m now fighting on FB too, though that’s stranger because I have non-academically related people’s feelings to consider on there (e.g. I don’t even know if my younger (adoptive) cousins even knew I was adopted until they saw the stuff I post to my wall).

I self-describe as both and neither and polyeverything, and am somewhat infamous for being unrepentantly brutally honest, with the best descriptions of me to be found by nosing down the quotes about me listed on my WP profile page.

Alongside starting uni. this year and completing the Access course last year, I’ve been battling with issues that’ve been thrown up by hitting reunion a year ago (Sept. ’09) and trying to get myself some appropriate post-adoption counselling. I knew I was going to have to fight anyway (hence my earlier Let the battle commence post, but today (yesterday, technically) I suffered the major blow of finding out that the counselling service I was hoping to use because of their adoptee specific knowledge is falling apart rapidly due to government cuts, which means I now need to be prepared to fight not just for my own sanity, but for the sanity of those adoptees who are following behind me.

I explain my anti-adoption stance in earlier posts on this blog, with What would 7rin do? pointing out that – contrary to popular opinion – I’m not anti-child protection, and Adoption Essentials following-up by explaining the one thing that I would prevent MANY the current complaints from “angry adoptees” (of course we’re angry, you’d be angry too if you lost everything), and that’s adequate and appropriate documentation, the same as everything and everyone else gets.

I’m currently at my most vocal over on the Y!A Adoption section, but I’ve also started ‘touring’ happy AP blogs, happy beemommy blogs, and all adoptee blogs.

And that is a brief rundown of who I am and where I’m at. I’m now going to go to bed, because not only is it late and I need to be up to pick my partner up from work early (for me) tomorrow morning, but I also need to pack (tomorrow, or after sleep, at least) for my weekend away at Mercian Gathering.

Oh yeah, and the brother and cousin I went to see today are both moving away in the near future, so I’m prolly not gonna be seeing quite so much of my bfam. as I have been doing. I’m already missing my brother anyway because having live here for six months meant we both know each other better than we would normally do for how long we’ve known each other – they are both aware that they could live on the moon for all I care, so long as they keep in touch occasionally. FB and LJ et al are useful for the whole keeping in touch lark (well, LJ’d be more useful if I spent less time faffing on FB … and yes, I’m going to bed. Now.

Yay! 1500+ words that might even vaguely make sense, in 4’n’alf hours. I may actually make it through uni. yet. :}

‘Night peeps.

Written by 7rin

Thu, 2 September, 2010 at 4:31 am

Posted in Explanations

Tagged with ,

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