Adopted in the UK

The life of a UK adoptee

What would 7rin do?

with 13 comments

During one of my recent sojourns on to one of the pro-adoption sites on Facebook, I was asked by someone I’d been debating the adoption issue with why I fight, and what I think should actually happen instead. This isn’t the first time (today even) that I’ve been asked this question, but this time when I answered, I remembered to CTRL+C so that I could CTRL+V over here, and turn this into a post. Thus, the following is the answer to the question asked in the title (wrt adoption, obviously).

Fwiw, I’m all for protecting the kids that need protecting, and if that means removing kids from abusive situations, then so be it. However, there is a massive difference between finding homes for those kids who really have needed to be removed from unsafe situations, to soliciting pregnant women for their babies because you can afford to buy such a purchase.

Traditionally, parent considering adoption (aside from those who really don’t care about their kids, and who’re probably only carrying to term because they found out too late to get an abortion) do so because they’ve brought into at least one of the many perpetuated lies.

One example lie is that “children need a mom and a dad”. Now admittedly, having two parents who love you and want you IS the ideal, however, that does NOT mean that living with a caring, loving single parent will necessarily inhibit your life chances. This lie is further confounded by the fact that there are now many single parent adoptions.

Another example lie is that “kids born to poor parents would be better off with better off parents”. This is absolute bunkum – and more so in the economically uncertain world that we’re living in today, since even the well-off can suddenly find themselves plunged into (relative) poverty, either due to redundancy, illness, etc. Also, this lie ignores the fact that living with genetic strangers takes a toll on EVERY child (which isn’t to say that no child adapts), and is SECOND-BEST to growing up surrounded by the genetic mirroring that ones own biological family can provide.

Yet even in the circumstances where a child does need removing from its own biological family for its own safety, I still disagree with adoption, since all adoption currently does is create a legalised lie that pretends the child is born to the adoptive parents, and in the process obliterates the child’s genetic heritage. This is entirely unnecessary, and only serves to reinforce the idealisation of those who want a “blank slate” baby to pretend they’re their own. Babies, even those who are taken in by someone else from birth, and NOT “blank slates”, they come pre-programmed with personalities and foibles that living life simply builds upon, and pretending that they are blank slates is to do the child a massive disservice as it means that they have to live yet more of a lie, and are expected to become someone other than who they really are.

What I’d like to see is a change to the documentation that we adoptees come with, in which we do NOT lose our genetic heritage, but instead INCORPORATE our newly adoptive lives WITH our own genetic heritage. One way to do this would be to stop reissuing the birth certificate perpetuating the legalised lies of being born to someone other than who we were born to, and instead acquire an adoption certificate (which we get over here in the UK, and I *think* happens in at least some of the states in America) that has spaces to include ALL of our parents on it. That way, the child does not have to grow up not knowing who they originate from (I would’ve cheerfully killed as a kid just to know what my parents names are/were), and it would help prevent those adopters who refuse to inform the child of their own heritage from doing so (which can lead to all kinds of medical ramifications).

I’ll stop here, but please, if you have any questions, feel free to ask, ’cause I’m all for intelligent discussion on the issue.

The last sentence is also aimed at anyone who reads this post that I’m writing in here. I’d also like any comments about how or why you think things should be done differently to the suggestions I’ve already made.

Written by 7rin

Wed, 18 August, 2010 at 5:50 pm

13 Responses

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  1. You don’t half talk a load of crap


    Wed, 18 August, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    • I see the operative word in the last sentence of the quoted section was beyond your understanding, but that’s ok, not everyone can manage intelligence.


      Thu, 19 August, 2010 at 11:13 am

  2. I couldn’t agree with you more, 7rin! Thanks for an excellent post. I don’t see this as “half a load of crap” but as a sterling statement from someone who has walked the walk. Good job!

    Sandy Young

    Thu, 19 August, 2010 at 5:49 pm

  3. I am an adoptee and I agree with you that adoption is another form of baby farming i.e. harvesting babies for the good of the state rather than the ewelfare of the child. An intelligent,well written and thought provoking article


    Sat, 21 August, 2010 at 11:58 am

  4. Mike and Sandy; thank you.


    Sat, 21 August, 2010 at 12:06 pm

  5. By the way I think I know who “Pat” really is if it helps.


    Sat, 21 August, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    • If you’re willing to point out who Pat is, then please first point out who you are (other than the bit you’ve already posted).

      I honestly don’t care who Pat is, tbh. I’ve had much tastier flamings than that in my life on-line thus far.


      Sat, 21 August, 2010 at 1:29 pm

  6. You have my name in the email address.I was only trying to stop a troll from bothering you.As for identity why don’t you reveal yours imstead of hiding behind 7rin.

    A bit of a hypocrit aren’t you?

    Don’t bother replying its obvious you have issues apart from adoption related ones.


    Sun, 22 August, 2010 at 8:59 am

  7. That’d involve me taking any note of your email address. Since I only use the emails as notification of a post, I don’t take any notice of the email addresses.

    If trolls bothered me, I’d’ve long since been run off the Internet; and I can’t hide behind 7rin ’cause I’m way too well known as 7rin to be able to hide. Finally, I wasn’t the $unknown poster offering to out some other $unknown poster, thus no, I ain’t the one being hypocritical.

    Oh, and thank you for telling me what to do in my own blog.


    Sun, 22 August, 2010 at 8:16 pm

  8. […] explain my anti-adoption stance in earlier posts on this blog, with What would 7rin do? pointing out that – contrary to popular opinion – I’m not anti-child protection, […]

  9. What’s wrong with guardianship for those children who can’t be raised by their biologicals – they get to keep their identity, have a true BC etc?


    Fri, 18 November, 2011 at 8:26 am

    • This is my argument too – to which I get told that it doesn’t give enough stability to the kid ’cause it doesn’t make things “forever”. What people seem to forget is that (a) neither does adoption – it just negates our heritage forever.; and (b) “forever” is determined by the relationships and the people involved in those relationships – not by a scrap of paper that just obliterates our history.


      Thu, 24 November, 2011 at 5:17 am

  10. Guardianship last until adulthood as does adoption and parental rights.It gives a child access to real identity and heritage which adoption can never guarantee. What’s wrong with that?


    Thu, 24 November, 2011 at 6:03 am

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